Kinterlink: And There Are Friends With Benefits (FWB)

And There Are Friends With Benefits (FWB)

(By Audrey Vijaindran. ?Originally published in the New Straits Times Press, May 15, 2011.)

KINTERLINK International Marriage & Therapist Centre director Charis Wong shed some light on friends who provide sexual benefits.

? ?I highly suspect that the friends with benefits (FWB) situation in Malaysia is on the rise.? The understanding of FWB is very vague, however.

She says most people who get into FWB relationships are not ready to settle down or stay committed.

? ?Most want to enjoy the romantic and sexual benefits of a relationship without any commitment.? Some also desire emotional support and engage in FWB without contemplating long-term commitment.??

? ?There are many who are in it for free vacations, expensive gifts, vouchers and favours.? Others may prefer to engage in a FWB relationship to attain recognition or status with a well-known figure.

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Charis also believes that there is too much grey area for it to be considered healthy for anyone.

? ?For example, are you allowed to have multiple FWB or is a FWB relationship exclusive? Is the relationship supposed to last or is it meant to be short term?

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? ?Also, men and women may have different reasons for engaging in such relationships.

She reveals a study on how men and women approach FWB which found that women tend to place more emphasis on the friendship part of a relationship whereas men tend to focus on the benefits.?

? ??But this is not to imply that all men react the same. There are many who are unable to avoid from becoming emotionally vulnerable and get equally hurt and rejected when the FWB relationship cannot progress further.

Research has also shown that people who are attractive or more successful in mating ?have a higher likelihood of entering into a FWB relationship. But ultimately, FWB partners seldom end up marrying each other.

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However, she adds that not everyone is capable of pulling of a FWB relationship.? She says those who are not romantic, or can have sex without love and have a pragmatic view of relationship handle it much better.

? ?All said and done, people who engage in FWB relationships need to explore their motivations, ego, self-esteem, intimacy issues, family conditioning and relationship needs. There could be underlying issues which they aren't addressing.

? ?Do FWB relationships fulfill a void?? Definitely not in the long run. ?It may help you avoid a lonely night, but the emptiness remains. ?

? ?Also, someone is likely to get hurt.? Sex complicates the friendship and one party may develop feelings for the other and have difficulty keeping the ?no strongs attached? rule that is central to the FWB relationship.

? ?If you don't solve problems or issues which motivated you to have a FWB relationship in the first place, you may just end up left standing alone at the end with nothing.?

Source: http://kinterlink.blogspot.com/2011/05/and-there-are-friends-with-benefits-fwb.html

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